Because I am unoriginal

Maybe we could stay together I am in love with your daughter I can move in with you perhaps go fishing together or put them back where to they belong like arrange the flower beds Have a minor mishap so we could hold pinkies My head is in the clouds There goes your flower dress It came in my dream It gave us something to talk about Drowned out in a gale Being instead of feeling May I steal you away We could ride to somewhere no one know us So we may finally be Wear a straw hat Oh this is so delicate Kick ourselves up high Fall down together Buy ourselves a house and kiss her goodnight Fallen deep slow silent sleep I will give you my shirt off my back This is a beautiful mess

there’s a frog down my throat

or was it cat got the missus’ tongue.

I am unable to string one proper sentence from the words flitting across the fore of my head.

So. I shall brag about my -one-week-never-drink-a-single-drop.

but xian did ask me to drink jolly shandy instead, which i politely declined.

Come Aug, maybe we should pop 2 champagne , make it three ,to celebrate my soberiety.

I am thirsty now. Tsk.

Disillusions

All that has the ability to think about what to and what not to say are scary.

The more interactions with the people around me , the more untrustworthy I deemed them to be.

To do what you preach and the right things is too difficult, I don mind being a sociopath. 

I am a sociopath.

Thank God for sociopaths who makes folks look so good. Revel in it.

Movies I need to watch -pls cast your votes.

Before my twin break out of my skin with a picket.

1) Driving Lessons. (there is a BEN in it. so darling is prohibited from watching it with me)

2) Ten Promises to my /the dog (awaiting confirmation from sleeping one.)

3) Black Book

4) Summer Rain(coming soon)

4) Bad Habits(coming soon)

5) Red Cliff (coming soon)

6) NARNIA -PRINCE CASPIAN. I REFUSE TO WATCH THIS WITH ANYONE EXCEPT THE SCREAM WHISPERER/ WHISPERER OF SCREAMS. (how can I not watch it yet. I am andreglator the tortoise)

Above is die also must watch , the rest can watch if nothing else to do..

Protected: Some are born to endless nights

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Thank you to a certain brilliant FULLSTOP. Your skills are legendary. but in future, do u think you might be able to decrease the size of my nose? n my face? and my cheeks? and comb my hair?

GAH!

One Month

the one month that I spoke in very short sentences will start from today. Short sentences because everytime I am halfway thru my very long speech about how I am going to stop drinking for one month is thwarted by rolling of eye-balls, and many speeches of how-meiyee-the-alcoholic-cannot-do-it and she-will-start-convulsing-by-day-three and she-will-start-on-the-1st-of-aug-and-drink-when-the-hands-strike-midnight and oh-she-said-that-already(BUT I DID NOT BECAUSE I HAVE NV SAID I AM /WAS GOING TO) .

See what kind of friends I have. really. no pats on the back and no words of encouragement. I think they got this pour-cold-water-on-meiyee’s-head-HURRY from my deadly cynical vibe I release to the atmosphere on a daily basis.

but it is ok. I am extremely talented in this convince-myself googagaa.

Will write about the very steamy piping hot affair I had over the weekend, once my friends had uploaded pictures because Meiyee does not have a camera. And please , my BATAM SWEETS , do not comment on the steamy hot piping affair or the lack of it and kill my next or the next next next (depending on how diligent my BATAM SWEETS CHARGE TO THE ROOM KIND OF WEIRD are)post. Ok?

Surely u guys can do it for me right? Just think of my aching neck and the disc I thought I slipped.

A very long post

When I was very young, and my dad was still very tall( first of May - Bee Gees), I bounced beside him, with my -very-cute- hands-then in his very gigantic ones, telling him how life would be for my parents when I am as tall as he is, in my very -cute-sweet-voice-then.

But I learned how, in primary school that they are many things which is out of our control. ( like how did my parents find out I lied to them about having tuition classes and then roamed the whole of Boon Lay for spiders, or like how I stole five bucks from my dad’s wallet and it turned out to be fifty bucks. I took two pieces. Hardly good examples.) Like how my parents cannot stay together and why Helen failed her maths(sorry helen) or why my aunt passed away at 60 or why I have curly hair and WHY MY TEETH DIDNT GROW STRG AND NEAT AND WHITE AND PEARLY AND BEAUTIFUL and WHY CANT I BE PRETTY!!!!! why cant I be pretty?

Yesterday, a friend called, crying and because I have not hear her cry for many years, I decide to break the rules for once and meet her for a late night drink( not exactly very tough to break the rules)

We talked for a very long time, with me, puking the night away( it is not that I consumed many amny glasses) and she tearing and then laughing and then tearing again and then silence. At this point, I don know what I am tryin to say because all I really wanted is to pen down all these thoughts and now it just resemble a plate of scrambled eggs. I sound like a blabbling eedioot.

I don feel sad or resentful. If anything, if it is an emotion at all, I felt passive.  When she teared, I kept on repeating ai zai( she always say this to me when I am crying , which is almost too often and I don know what the word means) I didnt hug her. I didnt even pat her on her back and tell her the things she needed to hear. Like if he is yours , he will be yours no matter what, he is just busy. give him more time. like bah bah black sheep, have u any wool?

Instead, I told her to stop crying. take it like a man. concentrate on other responsibilities she has and do more of those that she can control. And to face this puddle of mess lyin at her feet and that she fought and the other party did not. And that is all is to say. There should be no blame or angerI said alot of things. I don know which is appropriate to write.

At this moment, words are failing me again. or the other way round when my cell buzzed-

Ai Zai

No title

work is so freaking crappy. I feel so angry . I am going to quit and be a nun and go live in the jungle.

Stupid fucking ppl who work and like to shrink away from responsiblities.

I hope u have a good evening.

Need to cook.

I always dream of a day / of many days when I would don on an apron (frilly and sexy kind) and produce at least ten different kind of dishes which is not too salty.

I would imagine myself(if i am not a brave and courageous and wonderful and beautiful and indestructible and a lake of still water- person by then) in my own beautiful home, savouring beautiful food prepared by a beautiful person(none other but myself) and I will invite my friends over and they will drop dead when they place the first morsel into their dainty mouths( I will only be friends with dainty people in the first place so I can use dainty mouth)and revive by me and then they will kneel in reverence and then proceed to set up an alter for me in their own dainty homes.

And oh, how My life will be so wonderful and full of meaning and I will have something to wake up to and when I die, I will demand that my recipes and utensils and hopefully the whole kitchen be buried with me.

But oh, Its hard.(insert mental image of paris hilton doing her ITS HARD pose and then imagine me doing it. And I do it better , of course. seriously)

Its hard. Like totally . hard. And so is everything. Its hard.

and oh, Happy 25th Birthday BPSF. May U grow horizontally. with all the food u r devouring. and i will COOK for u . its hard.

Mathematical Equations

I hate maths.

I remember myself barely scraping through my maths paper during primary school. Or the many times when I dragged myself to Mr Gopal( sec sch maths teacher from India who taught us algebra and all I could heard was X, X , more X and = Xssss) with my maths paper in hand, begging him for another 2.5 marks so I could pass the damn paper.

Or the time during Poly, I got 2 points for engineering Maths. (wahah) While all the china students ace the paper, I went back to sleep with my chin on my ball of Rip curl sweater. Or the time , I was so afraid I am going to fail it again , thus giving the school a reason to expel me(AGAIN) that I cried outside clementi macs . Or that time I woke up at 2pm and texted my classmates when is the Maths paper , only for them to tell me that the paper was held when I was sleeping like a pig. 

(got this somewhere) Expand( x + x):

( x  +  x )

(  x   +   x   )

(     x     +     x   )

(        x     +        x       )

—————————————————————————

Now, I kind of like maths. I like those equations which always yield the same results unless numbers were added to it because there is a constant there.

Yea I like constants. Just don go adding numbers to it.Don try to be a smart alec.

 

Eternal Sunshine of a(e) spotless mind

I’m trying to put this thing to bed
I drugged it in it’s sleep
There isn’t many memories I’m comfortable to keep
This ball keeps rolling on
It’s heading for the street
Keep expecting you to send for me
Tte invitation never comes

Each time I turn around
There’s nothing there at all
So tell me why I feel like
I’m up against a wall

But maybe it’s a false alarm
And every answer sounds the same
Just colours bleeding into one that hasn’t got a name
Maybe I can’t see
Maybe it’s just me

Another curtains coming up
The audience is still
I’m struggling to cater for
The space I’m meant to fill
And distance doesn’t care
No distance doesn’t care

Each time I turn around
There’s nothing there at all
So tell me why I feel like
I’m up against a wall

But maybe it’s a false alarm
And every answer sounds the same
Just colours bleeding into one that hasn’t got a name
Maybe I can’t see
Maybe it’s just me

I’m trying to put this thing to bed
I drugged it in it’s sleep
Remember what you said.
Are you comfortable to keep it?
Keep it?

GAH GAH GAH

Do you think?

Do you think those who are HIV-positive should be identified?

‘ yes. If not , even if the perso does no do anything deliberately , there is a higher potential of spreading because other may not take the necessary precautions. By willing to be identified, it seems, in a way, an unselfish act. Its as though they are brave enough to admit it instead if keeping it to themselves.’

From Newspaper reader.

When I read this, my blood molecules sort of zap each other. What kind of Identification is he talking about?

 (Maybe not so exaggerating.)

But then , why should someone with HIV to have a form of identification? If it is in paper, and he choose not to show it to the person whom he is going to bed , what good would it do?

If it is big like above, it is almost like how the Jews wore a yellow star of David on them right?

I thought it should be up to individuals with HIV to be socially responsible. It is not up to us. To say whether they should be marked or not.

And , reader said, in admitting to the whole world that one is HIV positive, in that, is a brave and selfless act. But are we brave enough to embrace them without looking at them in a different light.

( I think the person talk C*&k). What if it is a KID who has HIV(not by his/her choice) then how?

 

How How How???

I know I shouldnt be blogging during work, esp right now. Cause I have not tell Ed about the mistake I made.

Thinking about it makes me feel like going to the toilet and everytime I see him walk past , I feel wrapping my arms around his legs, begging for his forgiveness.. all for SGD236. It is not about the cost of the mistake( actually yes, If it cost USD100000, I think I will tender my resignation to show how sorry I am.)I cant help but feel it is a stupid mistake. UnAcceptable from someone who is a Genius. Erm.

How? Should I break this to him? I cant use my sad face anymore because I used it twice already.

Erm , Ed wanna go for a drink?

Want to have lunch together?

Tell him after 6 pm?

Or in the meeting tomorrow?

HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the first time I dread coming to work in hmm. many many months.

Ed, If you ever chance upon this blog. Pls know how sorry I really am . THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS PLS DO NOT PENALISE THIS ON MY JULY INCREMENT. or i will be very very nasty.   Even if you did, there is really nothing I can do about it.

 

Rainbow suspenders. And paper Aeroplanes